Today I fought with my Daughter’s Monsters…


Today, I fought with my daughter’s monsters. Nobody won, and everybody lost.

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Fortunately, hope remains, and we will find each other again because we talk and we love each other, and we respect each other.

Nevertheless… today was a tough day.

Darling Girl suffers from complex mental health difficulties. Their specific nature is irrelevant, and none of these difficulties can detract from her amazing personality. She is kind, compassionate, intelligent and articulate. She is strong and resilient, funny and sarcastic. She makes the best kind of friend: loyal, loving, available and responsive.

And she lives with monsters in her mind. Who make her doubt everything about herself and the world around her. It is no surprise, then, that she can appear to be angry or surly, or any number of other unpleasant things.

Most of the time, I meet these monsters with calm and patience because I know they are simply hiding my lovely, sad or frightened little girl.

Today I was tired. Today, I was not strong enough. So today, I put on my boxing gloves and I confronted the monsters.

How silly.

And ineffective.

Because the monsters, for one, are ephemeral. No amount of boxing gloves, literal or metaphorical will meet their marks. The monsters simply fade into vapour.
Behind the vapour is that frightened little girl…
And so the boxing gloves hit her. [Not real boxing!!! They were all words…]

Today, I fought my daughter’s monsters, but really I fought her. She fought back as best she could, but she cannot fight, because the monsters fight her all the time.

Tonight, I will hold her and tell her how terribly sorry I am. We will hug, and probably cry, and probably laugh. We will remember how much we are there for each other. She will remember that I am merely human, and I will remember what a valiant warrior she is in the war for her Self.

And tomorrow will be better. Because we will forgive each other… that’s just what we do, and that is enough, and that is everything.

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3 thoughts on “Today I fought with my Daughter’s Monsters…

  1. Oh you poor things. Sounds like it was a hard day. Beautifully written Benedicte. Difficult subject matter, but a lovely piece of writing all the same. Sending hugs and calm. You are a wonderful mother – the raw honesty and empathy you display is truly admirable. Xxx

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