After all the battles, worries, stresses of helping three children navigate early childhood in spite of various disabilities; of clamouring at the doors of agencies whose role is to help support such children, but who are understandably all too aware of their budgets; of maintaining some kind of family “normal” and endeavouring to seek out little pockets of fun and Happy…
After all that, here we are:
All three children are Safe.
All three children are in an environment utterly suited to allow them to Thrive.
All is well.
[Just to be sure… the difficulties and needs have not vanished. They remain, and cause hiccups weekly, daily, sometimes hourly. But the external source of constant anxiety has gone, and we are experiencing something close to normal family life for the first time.]
One of the aspects of my character that has been most tested in the last decade is Trust. I am by nature an extremely trusting person, and also fiercely loyal. Once you have earned my trust, I will be utterly loyal to you even in the face of apparent difficulties and even betrayal. This has seen me bitten, and I have no idea whether it is a positive or negative aspect of my personality… it simply is.
So in this spirit, when the first raft of professionals entered my life, I trusted them. Each and every one had my Trust as a starting point. I’ve often been told that was and is naive. It is beyond my control, it simply is.
It will come as no surprise to any parent of special children that I have been battered as a result. A few months ago I sat in the paediatrician’s office in tears, telling her that I had become cynical and jaded, and that this above all else was breaking me.
I do think on the whole that I have retained my ability to Trust, but every now and again, I question myself. For someone as riddled with self doubt as I am, this is frankly exhausting.
A Child is struggling (no surprises!). From the outside, it would appear that school are doing very little, and showing very little concern for his abandonment of any pretence at learning.
I Trust. Everything in my being tells me that they care about that Child, and I know they have the experience to deal with him, so I Trust.
Until a day comes, as it did today, when self doubt enters the mix of legitimate anxiety and “special” management of the Child. Self doubt tells me that maybe I should be doing more. Self doubt asks me if school is doing what they should. Self doubt tells me that school have not been in touch for a few days, that I have not seen paperwork and plans. Self doubt tells me that I am a Fool to Trust.
And in voicing such doubts to friends, I am met with legitimate, understandable questions: maybe school should be doing this, and that and the other. After all, the Child must learn to do what is required etc…
Self doubt grows in strength, bringing with it its groupies, Panic, Anxiety and Tears.
Luckily, I know this pattern. I live with self doubt in uneasy truce, but I know his ways and I am ready.
I called the school.
And a simple fifteen minute conversation confirmed that Trust was right. That all the measures fed by years and years of experience are in place. That the Child is not Lost, that he is Cared for, Supported even though he may not like it, or realise it.
The call was a good one to make. I was able to speak of my need to feel a part of the Team again, and school agreed that they could help me with that. I allowed Trust to win, and I allowed school to reassure Me… to tell me that what I am doing (or not doing) is allowing them to best help the Child. That there are no magic wands, but that slowly and steadily we are on the right track.
This… this is what I have striven for.
Not the eradication of disabilities, of differences, of difficulties.
Merely the right support and knowledge to allow my family to experience life in as normal a way as can be (warts and all), and allow my children to thrive.
And I am deeply, deeply grateful to live in a country where that is possible. As difficult as it may be to access this help, at least it exists.
It strikes me sometimes when I look over what I write, that I could come across as downtrodden, rather cynical and generally a grump… I do hope that’s not the case!
It’s just that when life is going well, I seize it with both hands and whatever other appendages I have available, hold on tight and enjoy the ride. It’s usually fairly quick, so rather easily miss-able. There’s simply no time to write or blog or anything much else if I want to truly experience the Happy – which I do. My blog suffers as a result.
Time for a Happy!
The Daughter is growing quite beautifully, and thanks to a very special school, is thriving and learning. She is especially interested in science and since I am delving into biology we talk a great deal about all things scientific. (For instance, did you know that the planet Uranus was initially called George? – ponder, enjoy and delight in this wonderful fact!)
The Daughter and Little Man are on the verge of adolescence and getting quite grown up, but are still delighted and tickled by such words as bottom, bum, poo, wee, naked! Oh the joys and revels and laughter produced by such simple syllables!
Imagine the reaction, therefore, when I announced to her that I would be stripping an egg naked while she was at school, ready for some Science! Oh yes… stripping… an egg… naked!
You could, of course, now interrupt your reading of my little page to scurry off to Google. There are many, many entries for naked egg. And you would learn much the same as you will from here. But here!! oh me, oh my the wonders, the glories, the Happies that naked egg produced!!!!!
This activity is one I have long put off due to the time required in waiting. My littles are not so expert at waiting, and I felt that this would put a damper on the fun. How wrong I was! Waiting for each stage simply prolonged the joy!
So… step 1:
An egg, from a humble chicken (thank you dear friend and neighbour H for your chicken’s offering) has a shell – this one was brown, though H’s chickens also lay white and green (oh yes, green!!!) eggs. Whatever the colour, the shell is made up largely of calcium carbonate. It keeps the insides in and the outside out, all but air and such like needed by a potential chick to develop.
This egg was placed in a cup full of vinegar, also known as acetic acid. Then left for 48 hours.
As soon as the shell came into contact with the vinegar – immediately, astoundingly fast – bubbles!!! Bubbles began to cover the egg, and such was their power that the egg began to rotate of its own accord in the glass. It may be mentioned here that bubbles are one of life’s great wonders and joys. There are even scientists dedicated to the study of bubbles… bubble specialists, how wonderful!
For those of you interested:
CaCo3 + 2Ch3COOH → Ca(CH3COO)2 + H2O + CO2
calcium carbonate + acetic acid → calcium acetate + water + carbon dioxide
Those bubbles are carbon dioxide.
Once disrobed, you will have a naked egg!!! Which, it turns out, is ever so slightly bigger than the egg in its shell…hmmm, and soft and squishy and translucent – we could clearly see the yolk through the membrane!
This in itself was a glorious moment. The waiting had truly been worthwhile, because the Naked Egg is a thing of beauty and wonder. Even when you know what will happen, you will find yourself amazed and grinning like a silly thing at the craziness of the Naked Egg.
Step Two… call it torture, or inquisitiveness…
The Naked Egg was placed back in its cup, and covered with Golden Syrup. The Daughter declared it a shameful waste of such yumminess, but I and the Father agreed that Science was a much better use of the sticky stuff than pudding. There followed much bending of spoons to keep the Naked Egg submerged, but eventually it was trapped in the gooey stuff and left for a further 24 hours…
Oh that poor egg…
The entire Family was caught in rictuses (or is it rictii?) of revulsion as intense as the joy of seeing the Naked Egg for the first time. What had happened to our poor Egg? It had shrunk, shrivelled, become as baggy as those fabled bingo wings of elderly, rather unfit ladies.
The Daughter proposed that the air had been sucked out of the Egg. The Little agreed. But the the Daughter noticed an equally wondrous effect that changed her hypothesis: the Golden Syrup was no longer thick and unctuous, but had become watery and far less appetising for that change! The Daughter thus hypothesised that water, not air had been sucked out of her Egg.
There was much mourning over the condition of the Egg, and Daughter and Little both thought that our experiment had reached its end.
Oh no!! There is a Step Three:
After a rinse, the Naked Egg was placed in its cup once again, and this time covered with water that had been tinged with red food colouring.
The Daugher’s hypothesis was that the Egg would grow once more, and become red…
Is that not a thing of beauty? And the transformation this time was much more rapid! After a mere 4 or 5 hours, it had already regained its composure! Two more questions remained:
- Is the water inside the egg red? Has the colour as well as the water been able to cross the membrane?
- Will it bounce?
Will it bounce????? you ask. Well. Of course!!! It’s round (ish), soft and squishy. As Little said, it feels like a balloon. Once cannot fail to bounce the thing!
With much trepidation, the Daughter attempted a tiny teeny bounce…
A little higher…
(The Father, upon seeing the video later was horrified to see we were attempting this over his lovely wooden kitchen counter, with an egg filled with potentially red dye!)
The egg… DID bounce!!! And it was a thing of beauty, of joy and bated breath!
Sad to say, I cannot post a video here…
Sad to say, when Little attempted his first bounce, he was about 2mm more ambitious than his sister.
Sad to say, the Egg did not survive…
Of course, upon landing, the Naked Egg did BURST!!! And our first question was answered… was the water in the egg clear or red???
It. was. CLEAR! The red colouring had penetrated the membrane but not got all the way through!!
And thus, the story of the Naked Egg reaches its end!
it began on a Thursday evening, and continued until Sunday afternoon. The Naked Egg provided the Daughter, the Little, the Father and myself with smiles, wonder, giggles, disgust, anticipation, fear and curiosity satisfied. Not bad for a little egg!