As some of you may remember, I am not the most reliable parents when it comes to the little traditionally important milestones in a child’s life.  Food, clothes, education, love… those I have aplenty.  Birthday parties, Christmas… I muddle through with huge stress.  Tooth fairies??  Regularly forget.

A good while ago, our Tooth Fairy was rather late for Sweet Girl – about a couple of months if I recall.  My children have a gentle relationship with the metaphysical.  Sweet Girl categorically does not believe in a deity of any kind, but desperately wants to believe in Fairies, Father Christmas and the like.  So I collude with her in perpetrating these little beliefs that allow her to find refuge in childhood and bring her a great deal of happiness.  On that occasion, Trudy, our Tooth Fairy had had a mishap with Time… you will find her adventure in this past post.

Little Man lost a tooth… I think about a year ago.  Yes, I know.  I am a pretty Dreadful Mother at times.  I simply kept on forgetting.  When I remembered, he was around my legs (at ten, he is still short enough to slip between them and quite clingy) so I was absolutely unable to find a coin and slip it surreptitiously into his Tooth Fairy pillow…

Clearly, a story had to be thought up…

Imagine his delight when he chances upon a letter on his pillow that afternoon – with a printed envelope looking wonderfully official:

I must add that the paper was pale blue, with a watermark “urgent” and a professional looking border…

Department of Tooth Retrieval

Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Address Undisclosed


Date:  16th June 2014

RE:      Tom *****, tooth retrieval error


Dear Mr *****,

It has come to our attention that a grave error has occurred.  We have become aware that one of your teeth was lost many months ago, and that your designated Tooth Fairy, Trudy, did not retrieve it.

On receipt of your mother’s emails, we launched an enquiry into this matter.  These are the results of our investigation.

  1. We discovered further instances of tooth retrieval error, all under the care of Trudy.
  2. We were initially unable to locate Trudy, and a Fairy Search was begun.
  3. We found Trudy on Friday 13th June in the depths of the Amazon Rain Forest.  She had been captured by a troupe of parrots (who are jealous because they have no teeth and so do not enjoy the advantages of our Tooth Retrieval Advantage Scheme).  Her communication device (wand) had been snapped by the chief parrot, so she was helpless.  Fortunately, the parrots treated her well and she was in no danger.
  4. We have rescued Trudy and she has been recovering from her ordeal.  She assures us that she is keen to resume her duties, and is feeling very upset for her case children (including yourself).
  5. Trudy is now back on duty, and has been issued with a number of new safety items in case of a similar problem.  These include an ear bud magical tracker and communicator; a miniature wand stored in the heel of her shoe, and a few other items that we must keep top secret.

In the meantime, you will find that the Department of Tooth Retrieval has dealt with her backlog of tooth retrieval errors, yours included.  We hope that you can forgive the dreadful delay in realising the scope of the problem and that you have not been too traumatised by it.

Yours sincerely,


Warlock Willow Barking

Chief Tooth Minister to Her Majesty, the Queen of England